People mourning the death of a loved one often wonder, aloud or to themselves: why is grief so overwhelming? Grief can seem all-consuming. It can cloud every judgment and every interaction. When grief is overwhelming, it can feel like it is taking control of your life.
There are real reasons why it so often feels like grief is overwhelming. While ever person’s experience with grief and mourning is unique, there are common threads that almost everyone feels. We’re going to take a look at a few of those in this post.
Overwhelming Grief Can Feel Different for Everyone
One of the main reasons grief can be so overwhelming is because it feels differently to different people. In addition to that, the feelings that arise as we grieve are sometimes hard to name.
Some people might feel sad or depressed. Others might feel shock or denial. Still others might be angry, It’s not unusual to feel numb or disconnected from your “normal” day-to-day.
To make things even more complicated, it’s completely normal to feel all of those emotions as you grieve. As we move through various stages of grief our feelings will change. These changes might surprise or embarrass us. They might also make us feel sad or lonely.
All of those feelings are valid. But because our experiences can vary so widely, it might sometimes feel impossible ot connect with someone else who is also grieving.
Grief Is Overwhelming Because Life Has Changed
When a loved one dies, those still living must learn to adjust to a life without the deceased. That’s a difficult thing to do. It takes time and patience and a realization that life as we’ve known it will never be the same as it was before.
This new reality can be overwhelming for many different reasons. If your loved one took care of things around the house, for instance, you might miss their presence more when it comes time to do those tasks. Or if you had routines that you enjoyed together, you might feel their absence even sharper when you try to do that routine on your own.
Something as simple as sitting at the table for dinner, or your weekend trip to the grocery store, might feel intensely lonely or overwhelming when you try to do them alone.
Grief is So Overwhelming Because It’s Not Linear
You’ve likely heard of the stages of grief, but the truth is grief is not a straight path. Grief is more like the ebb and tide of a shoreline: it comes and goes, in waves that are never quite the same.
It can be difficult to remember that grief doesn’t have a start or a finish line, especially when it feels like it will never end. We want to remind you that this is normal. It’s normal to start feeling a little better, only to be overwhelmed again.
There is no one right way to grieve. The best you can do is to practice self-care, reach out to others, and seek help when necessary. There are online and in-person support groups that can help.
Overwhelming Grief Can Affect Anyone
It’s not true that being strong means you won’t feel overwhelmed by grief. Feeling grief isn’t an indication of your mental health or your strength as a person. Losing a loved one is a stressful, life-changing experience. In fact, it’s one of the most stressful experiences a person can endure.
Reminding ourselves that everyone experiences grief and that it’s not our fault is sometimes really important. Feeling a wide range of emotions or feeling one emotion intensely isn’t a character flaw or a shortcoming. It’s a human response to a painful experience. Giving ourselves grace to feel whatever feelings we have is an important part of moving through the grieving process.
Grief is So Overwhelming Because It’s Hard to Talk About
It’s sometimes hard to express grief because the emotions are so intense. It’s also hard to express grief sometimes because the emotions are sad and heavy–and often, we don’t want to burden others with anything that might make them feel sad, too.
One of the reasons grief can be so overwhelming is because we feel we must bear it alone. When we don’t talk to others, when we suppress our feelings, when we pretend that we are ok, the feelings don’t go away. Rather, they manifest in other ways. We might feel physically ill or tired. We might get angry at a situation that normally wouldn’t bother us.
Talking about grief can feel uncomfortable because it makes us emotionally vulnerable. We need to feel like we’re safe in order to open up and say how we’re really feeling. That’s especially true when we’re struggling to put words around our emotions.
Finding support for grief can help with those feelings of overwhelm and despair. We know that can be difficult. We’ve talked to hundreds of people on the hardest days of their lives, and we understand how challenging it can be to process and learn to live with grief. It’s our greatest honor to be trusted at such a difficult time.
We’re always here to help in any way we can, and we share resources here on our site that can help, too. If you have a church or spiritual home, that’s also a good place to look. Friends and family can also help lighten the load. The important thing is to reach out, to keep talking.
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