The holidays are usually a time to gather in celebration and merriment with your closest friends and family, but after losing a loved one, the holiday season can start to feel unmanageable. Especially if it’s your first Christmas without a loved one, it might feel strange to celebrate without them.
Planning for the holidays is challenging for almost everyone; coordinating meals, travel and gifts is tricky enough already without the addition of bereavement, and in the case of this year, a pandemic. While the holidays are rarely an easy time for those who are grieving, they can be an opportunity to create new traditions and celebrate life.
Below are some ideas for how to honor a deceased loved one at Christmas—or any other holiday—that will hopefully make you feel less alone.
How to Celebrate Christmas After Losing a Loved One by Creating New Traditions:
Creating new traditions can be a great way to include your loved one in your celebrations. Maybe your grandmother always hosted a holiday meal. Where will you host it this year, and how can you incorporate some of her traditions into your new ones?
Add new decorations
Decorating your home with remembrances of your loved one can be a special way to feel the presence of your family member or friend even though they can’t be physically present with you. Here are a few decorations you can make or purchase:
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- Christmas ornaments honoring the deceased: craft or purchase a special Christmas ornament for your lost loved one and hang it either on your tree or somewhere in your home. You could print a photo on the ornament or buy an ornament you think they would like.
- Candles: Light a candle to represent the presence of your loved one during the holidays. You can even choose a candle in their favorite scent to remind you of them.
- Memory tables or memory chains: You can craft something like this by yourself or with the help of family members. To set up a memory table, add photographs, small mementos, letters, and anything else you’d like to a small table in your home. Feel free to also ask family members and friends for items to add to the table. To create a memory chain, write down qualities you miss about your loved one or your favorite holiday memories with them on narrow strips of paper. Then, form interlinking loops with each strip of paper to form a chain. You can add this chain to your Christmas tree if you celebrate Christmas or hang it somewhere in your home.
- Christmas stockings: Find your loved one’s stocking or purchase one for them to hang for the holiday season. If you’d like to, on Christmas Eve write a note to your loved one and place it inside the stocking. Tell them how you feel spending the holiday without them or maybe jot down some of your favorite Christmas memories with them. Encourage family members to do this as well and take turns on Christmas morning reading the notes out loud.
Memorial wreath: Instead of putting a traditional holiday wreath on your door, consider making a wreath that includes photographs of your loved one and any decorations that remind you of them.
Bring new traditions to the holiday table
Whether you’re hosting the holiday meal or visiting a family member or friend for Christmas, make your loved one’s favorite dish and share it with your guests. Set a place for your loved one at the dinner table and make a toast in their honor. You can even go around the table and ask guests to share their favorite memory of your loved one.
Get creative
Writing, singing, and getting outdoors are common ways to express and alleviate grief. Here are a few creative ways to honor your loved one during the holidays:
- Journal: Try journaling about your loved one and your favorite holiday memories together. Jot down a few and continue to add to the list of memories each year.
- Sing carols: If your loved one had favorite Christmas carols or holiday songs, sing along to them by yourself or with friends and family. You could also take this opportunity to create a holiday playlist in honor of the deceased.
- Plant a tree: If it’s not too cold or snowy outside, you could plant a tree in memory of your loved one to remind you of them on holidays to come and all year round.
- Travel: Speaking of getting outside, consider taking a trip to your loved one’s favorite place, and spend the holidays there.
Visit your loved one
Spend part of the holiday with your loved one by visiting their gravesite. You can take time to share holiday memories with them or leave a small gift, ornament or another holiday memento.
Honoring a Loved One at Christmas by Giving Back:
Giving back is a special part of any holiday season, and giving back in honor of your loved one can help you feel closer to them. Here are a few ideas:
- Christmas gifts in honor of someone: Purchase or make a gift that you might give to your loved one, wrap it, and give it to a donation program in memory of the deceased.
- Donate: Clean out your closet and donate yours or your loved one’s clothing (especially any cold-weather clothes) to a local thrift store or shelter.
- Write a check: Donate money to a cause or charitable organization that your loved one might donate to. You can do this in their name or anonymously.
- Volunteer: Volunteer to help a local cause or organization that your loved one would be passionate about.
- Exercise: Check to see if there are any local walk/runs scheduled around the holiday season that raise money for a cause or support research for the disease or illness they died from.
- Support literacy: Buy a copy of your loved one’s favorite children’s book—it could be holiday-themed or not— and donate it to your local elementary school or library. You can even label the inside of the front cover to let people know it was donated in honor of your loved one.
Remember Loved Ones at Christmas by Attending a Special Service:
If you’re looking for ideas for the first Christmas without a loved one, you might consider attending a special service at your local funeral home. Many funeral homes, hospices, and cemeteries offer holiday remembrance services for family members and friends they have served before. These services include music, readings, and often a memorial Christmas tree. Holiday services might help you connect with others who are also grieving and serve as a set time for you to sit and reflect on your loved one in the midst of the holiday bustle.
Remember to Engage in Self-Care:
The holiday season is busy, and it can be easy to get overwhelmed. Take time to engage in self-care, whether that’s through exercise, rest, or something else. Maybe you set certain times throughout the season to check in with yourself and reflect on how you’re feeling. Perhaps you get out and take a walk after a holiday meal. Whatever your self-care vice, don’t be afraid to indulge in it this holiday season.
If you’re missing loved ones at Christmas, just know that you are not alone. We hope this list of suggestions helped. Get creative with your new holiday traditions and feel free to share how you honor your loved ones during the holidays in the comments below.
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